ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
