I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
