dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
