What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
