Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
