Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
