I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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