No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There are leaves in my underwear?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
