Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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