i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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