My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
