and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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