i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
