Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't deserve a penis
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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