accomplished twins. life is a go
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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