I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
