I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
