Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
