in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
