Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
