Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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