And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
