she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
