If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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