Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
