how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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