some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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