I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
