I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
