Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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