I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
