Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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