i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
