fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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