I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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