Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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