We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
