loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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