turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i think i just lost a toe
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
