Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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