So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
