My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize