So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
