Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
