She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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