i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
