theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
