Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
