finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
