I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
