I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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