He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
