i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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