the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
