Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
