he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
