im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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