I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
