just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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