just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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