i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
