just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize