i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
