it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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