I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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