you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
