***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
